The hurt I feel is still fresh.

Last night I had the weirdest dream. I know some people may get the wrong idea after reading this post but I just had to get it out.

Well last night I fell asleep as usual. Then suddenly I had this weird surreal dream. It felt so real. I could feel the things I held and all. Anyway the story went that....

I was meeting Ryan(yes people Ryan Lee). I was at the bus stop near Hidayah's place(the 55 bus stop). I was just sitting there waiting at the bus stop with some CD cases in hand. Suddenly Ryan appeared. I handed him the cases labeled " One Tree Hill ". We talked awhile but then he said that he had to go. So we said goodbye and parted.

Suddenly Ryan just called out to me and said the weirdest thing. He said " Hey! You know what why don't we hang out. Your free right? So am I. There's no reason for us to avoid each other since we're friends, so how about it?". I said "Sure, why not".

So we made our way to Hougang Mall. We walked around reminiscing on our Secondary school life. What we missed about it and stuff. We finally settled at some shoe shop. I started trying on shoes. Having fun listening to Ryan's comments about how I looked in them. It was fun to hang out with him. Suddenly the topic of all the teasing in sec 3 and 4 came about. I told him about all the pain that it's caused me. He just sat there and listened. I told him about all the nasty comments that I received on my first-ever blog. Then I told him something that I have never told a soul. Not even Hidayah. I admitted to him that if it wasn't for the E5 girls, Gabriel and himself, I wouldn't even be on this earth now.

I admitted that I went into depression in sec 4. I really had some horrible days in sec 4. I told him that almost every night in sec 4 I cried myself to sleep and had suicidal thoughts. I honestly just spilled out everything I had kept in for all this time. And all he just did was listen and nod. After I had finished, he simply said " I'm sorry to have put you through this. But your not the only one. I was teased too. So I guess we have more in common then we think."

All of a sudden he gave me a hug(yeah I know never gonna happen&don't want it too). One of those kinda hugs that just makes you feel safe and that everything will be better from this point on type of hugs. All I could do was just breakdown and cry my eyes out.

I woke up with a sudden jerk. My vision was blurry and my eyes felt cool. I wiped my eyes and realised that I had been crying in my sleep. I looked down at pillow and it was soaked.

I know to some of you this may sound like a made-up story but I swear that this was the dream I had last night. I guess that my brain was trying to tell me something but what exactly was it trying to say I don't know. Whatever it may be, it made me realise that I'm not the person that I had promised myself I would be. I am what people expect of me(which isn't much). I hope to change but I don't know how. I need to find my way back to the path that I had imagned I would be on as a person.

Enough sad stories. Please do comment or tag. Maybe someone out there in blog-world can tell me what my dream meant.