Blank

Why is it that I feel as if everything/everyone is pushing me further from happiness. Why is it that I feel so lonely and left behind. I feel like a nobody. I feel pathetic and useless. I feel unhappy. But then everytime I think about the comparison between what makes me happy and what I'm doing, I keep hearing this voice in my head saying

"Grow up Farah! Just Blardy Fucking Grow Up!!!!"

I envy people who are persueing somthing they are interested in. They'd probably live a successful life full of joy and happiness. I keep wondering what my future would be like. I was told once that I'd live a rather short life. So when is it going to end? Will I find happiness and security before then? Will I be successful? Will I be everything I dreamed of becoming?

I doubt so. I'd probably end up as one of your average Singaporeans. Go to work, slave away, go home slave over the stove, do the household chores. Just living an average mundane life with probably below average income.

Am I just being fussy and over-reacting? I mean it seems to me like nothing is going to satisfy me. But then again, my prospects of a bright future and way below average or satisfactory.

I just wish I could stop time, rewind it to when I first screwed my life course and just re-do everything over. Just a do-over maybe and hopefully I'd be less empty.

I guess those who do read my blog are probabbly sick of all my little sudden emo posts and I'm sorry, but I just need to release the hurt I feel. I'm thankful for everyone I have met in my life, but I just don't feel happy. I just feel....... BLANK....